I have a confession to make... I'm not actually Plok. I'm just regular ol' person with all the problems that come with being a regular person. Most people are kind folks, but I feel certain they aren't super interested in the ongoing goings-on going on in my life. People have their own problems and I'm not special, but writing helps sometimes. I keep a diary, but I have the habit of writing in a style that looks as though I'm writing to another person. Sometimes I wish there really was someone else listening. You know, someone other than Big Brother. It's not necessarily that I want advice or the attention, but sometimes it helps just knowing that someone hears me, and that somebody understands.
I was a happy kid for the most part, but kinda lonely I guess. I didn't go to school as a child and wasn't around other kids much. I was home schooled and basically my own teacher. That's fun and all, but the isolation absolutely destroyed my social development and it seems the damage might be permanent. I love my parents, but they were very uninvolved in raising me. I was pretty much raised by cartoons, video games and Legos. As an adult (if indeed I am one) I have an incredibly difficult time talking to others, making eye-contact, just being in public. I don't keep a phone because I'm honestly terrified of phone calls. That must sound pretty dumb. I'm nervous just being with friends. I've been in college for 6 years and I'm still terrified every single day. I took speech classes in hopes of improving my communication skills, but they didn't help. If anything I feel it's gotten worse over time. I'm still as awkward as a braille billboard. I don't know what that means. I could take online classes, but ironically I don't want that. I don't want to be alone or isolated all the time. People say weird is good, but I'd kill just to be a little more normal. With all this said, I'm still hopeful. When I write in my diary, I always make myself end with something positive. In lighter news, I've stuck to my new diet and physically I feel good. Still flabby, but feeling healthier.
I have a lot more to say, but I'll stop here for now. I don't want to get too deep in the weeds just yet. Anyways, if you made it this far, thank you. I don't know what it's like to be you, but maybe you can relate to some of this or found some value in it. With that said, I hope you have a wonderful rest of your day and eat all the spaghetti :-)