Don't worry, reading the other chapters isn't required. I may not be a great writer, but I have fun~

2021 has been a pretty uneventful year here in the States. Some mad lads went in the Capitol Building, a generic old man became President, it snowed in Texas, some soldiers came home, a show about squids playing tag or whatever came out, Alec Baldwin shot a guy. Sizable yawn.

Silliness aside, 2021 has actually been an okay year for me. Not so many bad days, fairly productive, things are going better for people in my life, and I'm somewhat kinda sorta mildly excited for 2022. In the immortal words of Bubsy the Bobcat, what can possibly go wrong? Anywhom, I hope that 2021 wasn't terrible for you and that 2022 is even less so.

Have a lovely day, person~

The low effort writings of a squirrel.

Pete's Voyage to America

Pete finds himself in the remote island nation of Taka-Tuka Land, where he is the only person aware that the world is round. He lobbies the King for a ship and a small crew to voyage westward to the continent of Asuwa to prove his claim. Taka-Tuka Land's leading theologians warn against this voyage, as they are certain the world is flat. The King, however, grants Pete's request in exchange for whatever riches they may find should they reach Asuwa.

Pete, having never led such a grand voyage, gravely underestimates the duration of this adventure. A month passes with no sign of land, and his crew, at their wits' end, threatens a mutiny. However, Pete inspires them with an impassioned speech about the founder of Captain D's and his unwavering determination to "sell seafood so cheap you have to wonder what it is you're eating." Though his speech had little to do with their predicament, it still quells their hostility. Later that night, Pete notices a drunk man passed out in an inner tube floating below deck. He is sure that land must be nearby. He peers through his toy View-Master for a better look and can see such wonders as the Pyramids of Giza, the Eiffel Tower, Niagara Falls, and the Grand Canyon. This does not seem like Asuwa at all.

      They arrive to find horseless carriages and tall buildings. The crew befriends the rotund natives, who teach them the art of deep-frying Oreos and other sweets. Pete informs them that he will return to Taka-Tuka Land to tell the King about this new world they have discovered. He arrives back in Taka-Tuka Land with gifts of deep-fried foods that "shouldn't be delicious but are". Impressed, the King holds an extravagant banquet in Pete's honor, though the King is unsatisfied and desires more fried delicacies. Pete leads a second expedition, this time with 69 ships, at Pete's request. Weeks later, precisely 420 men and women set foot to colonize this new continent, despite it already being inhabited for countless centuries. With Pete's leadership, the settlers begin construction on the town of Alex Trebekuator.

      Their first order of business is to secure food and treasures to bring back to the King. The people of Alex Trebekuator raid a local temple, which the natives call "Walmart." They discover a plethora of items never before seen in Taka-Tuka Land. While some make voyages homeward to bring back these newfound riches, others stay behind to build housing and other amenities. However, the natives are not pleased with the construction of such a town. Men in blue armor come with papers and talk of "trespassing" and "zoning code violations." Their many raids against businesses draw further ire. Unwilling to submit to the tyranny of savages, Pete leads his people into the great "Battle of Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd." Unfortunately, the battle is a complete loss, as they are no match for the Blue Army.

      The Alex Trebekuator Empire falls, and the natives of Taka-Tuka Land are promptly deported back to their home country. Pete, however, is not sent back, as this had been his own country all along.

I hate to disappoint my progenitors, but this lineage ends with me. I don't want children. No thanks~

Huh, I always thought my great-great-great grandfather was a coffee maker.

Hello, my fellow Americans.

We need to unify, with unity and dignity. I believe in the unity of our nation and soul of our democracy that we will work together for the future of our unity, create jobs, and uphold our Constitution. In this moment, the honor of this nation will stand as a beacon to the world of our integrity and resolve, because there's nothing we can't do when we do it together and create millions of jobs. This virus has killed more than 11 trillion dollars as we work to overcome this challenge of hope, unity, faith and our American resolve, but this nation and our American unity will fight to break down the barriers and seek truth and unity and create millions of jobs. The respect of our country and jobs is the hope that the future, the heart and soul of this country, and this virus, will not stop our Constitution when do it together. Together in this moment, the history of our war and the American people of this nation and our democracy will strengthen this virus and the unity of this war and create 3.4 trillion jobs. Unity integrity dignity honor together our democracy Constitution resolve faith hope this country American people when we do it together. The troops.

Thank you, and may God bless our unity.

In 2015 I took the "NaNoWriMo challenge". The rules are simple - write a novel in 30 days. I finished rough drafts for two and a half comedic sci-fi novels titled The Amazing Galaxy-Man in 25 days, but honestly, they're pretty bad. Of the six people who've read the first book, the reception was not so amazing, so the finale is on an indefinite hiatus. In 2017 I again attempted the challenge, with a novel that was eventually named Legacy of Jude, but it became too ambitious. That story means so much to me and I want to take my time to tell the best tale I possibly can. It's a gargantuan passion project, maybe the biggest I've ever worked on, but it's on the back burner for now. So now we come to 2021 and National Novel Writing Month is once again upon us. Maybe I suck as a writer and I should quit while I'm behind, but screw it, I'm going for it again with a brand-new tale. I know the story I want to tell and how to tell it. It's a lighthearted fantasy adventure novel that's basically a love letter to the tropey RPG story lines of my youth and I hope to share more in the coming days and weeks. Thanks for listening, you wonderful person :-)